your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
