yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
