You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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