I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is classic penis vs brain.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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