Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
