Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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