I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
