I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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