I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
