When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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