I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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