Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I pour the whiskey from now on
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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