my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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