do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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