i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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