Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
