I am in a vortex of obligation.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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