Soap is not a condiment
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
