I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
