omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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