My nipple is on Facebook.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
