fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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