I am in a vortex of obligation.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
