Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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