she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
