He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
