OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
