I accidentally had phone sex last night
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
