Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
