I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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