he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
