Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
