Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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