okay pat passed out under dana's car
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
