It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
