His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
