Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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