this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love you.
Bad choice
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
