Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize