i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
