I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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