Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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