9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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