Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
