God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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