so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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