I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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