I feel great
I just peed on a car
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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