i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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