Swine flu. Run for my life!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
