and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
