Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
