Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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