for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
