im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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