You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
