I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize