I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
