Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
