She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
