Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
