check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
