Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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