I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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