i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
