We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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