I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
