Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize