We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
