Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I could make wine with my vomit
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
