After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
