just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
